"Boys" Need to be Men

University of Virginia student, Yeardley Love was founded murdered, beaten and killed by blunt force trauma to her head. A young man, a fellow University of Virginia student and fellow Lacrosse player, George Huguely, was arrested and charged with the murder. This is not the first time Huguely has been in trouble for a violent offense. Police in Lexington, Va., about 70 miles from Charlottesville, said that in November 2008, Huguely was shocked with a stun gun by an officer there after resisting arrest for public intoxication. He pleaded guilty to two charges last year, was placed on six months of probation and given a 60-day sentence, which was suspended.

The arresting officer, R.L. Moss, said in a statement Tuesday that she felt it necessary to use the stun gun because Huguely became abusive and his size was no match for her.

She said in the statement that Huguely was "yelling obscenities and making threats."

News reports state that people were shocked and dismayed because Huguely was a star lacrosse player. Actually, so was Yeardley Love, but people haven’t paid that much attention to that. The University of Virginia is going to grant to Love her diploma on graduation day----post humously.

Ben Roethlisberger is a major star in the NFL. He has been the quarterback for the Pittsburgh Steelers and, even as a young player in this league, has two Super Bowl rings. In his second Super Bowl appearance many said that he was the real MVP of the game, though he didn’t win it. He is noted for being a great player and a great athlete.

He has also been accused of sexual assault by three different women. Thus far no charges have stuck because of the intoxication level of the women and lack of physical evidence. Roethlisberger had body guards who probably do know what really happened but claim they know nothing, other than talking in derogatorty language about the intoxication of the victims. Roethlisberger’s behavior and own intoxication levels were of no concern to them.

Lawrence Taylor was the great linebacker for the New York Giants. If people saw the movie, The Blind Side, it was his legendary hit on Joe Theissman that changed the game of football and began the movie. Taylor was the greatest player ever to put on a New York Giants uniform and arguably the greatest player even to play defense in the National Football League. He is accused of raping a 16 year old girl who he paid $300.00 for a sexual encounter. She had been beaten up before seeing him and had a bruised eye, forced by a pimp into this encounter. Taylor is claiming that he’s innocent of rape because he did, after all, pay her $300.00 for the sex and thought she was 19.

There have been warning signs about Huguely for quite some time. He was growing increasingly obsessive about Love, a girl he had dated and was breathing violent comments to many people around her and threatening violence toward other boys who found her attractive or showed her any sort of attention. He had demonstrated earlier that violence toward women was not something he was reluctant to do and that going into a drunken rage would not be a first time event. Many of his actions and words were dismissed with the comment, “Boys will be boys.”

Ben Roethlisberger has been cruising toward a disaster for quite some time. Three allegations and a motorcycle accident, sans helmet, later people have taken notice. Some have suggested he might have brain damage from so many blows to the head. Up to now his behavior has been dismissed wit the comment, “Boys will be boys.”

Most fans of the New York Giants (myself included) loved Lawrence Taylor on the field and have been willing to forgive many of his drug-related transgressions. He has, however, been notorious and quite open to the fact that he was a frequent customer to prostitutes. His association with a well known pimp seems to indicate that his behavior has not changed. Often his conduct has been overlooked using that old, weary line, “Boys will be boys.”

I have some thoughts on this whole subject.

The first is about sports, and I say this as a sports fan. We’ve gotten carried away with sports. Athletes often ‘get away’ with a great deal. They get through high school and college for being the star player and become professional athletes and then they do something really bad and end up in jail----wondering why no one was there to get them out of trouble. The list of athletes who are or who have been in prison is large and getting larger.

Our sports culture has become almost overwhelming. Sitting outside of Louisville I’ve become deeply disturbed by the fact that coaches for the University of Louisville make huge salaries and I’m wondering how their salaries compare to the professors, in let’s say, the medical school. What does it say about our society when we are willing to pay coaches untold millions of dollars while we pay professors teaching those in who we entrust our lives so much less? I find this troubling.

Secondly, there is an increasing concern that women are less and less safe around many of these men who play the games. George Huguely was praised as a great lacrosse player while Yeardley Love’s significant contributions to the University of Virginia’s women’s lacrosse team were pretty much ignored. Increasingly, we are learning that he spoke violently a great deal and no one was taking him seriously, despite the fact that Yeardley Love, herself, was growing increasingly concerned.

Ben Roethlisberger had bodyguards whose main job did not seem to be protecting anyone other than Roethlisberger’s reputation and hide. The women he was so cruel and crude to in the bar, and there were many, were simply seen as fodder for him. They were not safe.

And Lawrence Taylor was callous to overlook the fact that the girl he was with was beaten up to force her to service him. She would not tell him anything about being beaten up (despite being badly bruised) because she was afraid of him. And she had no reason not to be afraid of him.

Three men, all callous. One man callous to the point of murder. Two others, callous to the point of believing these women were there strictly to amuse them. They gave these women no respect and they were all unsafe----tragically unsafe. The University Virginia sees fit to honor Yeardley Love with a degree, but didn’t see fit to protect her from harm.. In a society that boasts of the equality of the genders, we are seeing women moving higher in careers than ever before, while often being in greater danger. Increasingly, a woman in the presence of the ‘star’ player is in grave danger. This should not be.

And, lastly, there is that comment: “Boys will be boys.”

What exactly does this mean? Does it mean that if you are the male of the species intolerable behavior is allowed? Does it mean that if you are the male of the species that you may say or do anything you want because you are a boy? How many free passes are men ‘allowed’ because boys will be boys? Does this mean, if you are a male, gross, improper, crude, and even illegal conduct is overlooked because boys will be boys?

As a male of the species, as a man, I find it offensive to think that less is expected of me because I am a male. It is a reminder to us that low expectations yield low results. It is time for us to demand better----and begin making that demand on ourselves. It is time to recognize that boys need to grow up and learn to be men.