A Marvelously Insidious Word

 

I always marvel at language. Anyone who knows me knows that I love to play with words. I’m a notorious punster who delights in hearing groans from a particularly juicy and cheesy pun. A great pun brings about not so much a laugh, but a huge groan.

Words matter and some words are actually pretty insidious in scope. We think of words like ‘hate’ and can see it is insidious. We can use ‘bad’ words and refer to them as insidious. There’s also the word ‘phlegm’ which is just about the weirdest words in the English language. I’m not referring to any of these words, however. A marvelously insidious word people often use is the word ‘but.’

Recently in a Facebook forum made up of alumni from my college, a very small, now defunct Roman Catholic Seminary College in upstate New York, there was a conversation about a church organist who was fired when it was learned that he was married to a same sex partner. I indicated that I loved my denomination, the United Church of Christ. I wrote about us welcoming everyone, etc. One person in the forum responded, “And that is what (his denomination) does, as well………….But……..” There it was, the word ‘but.’ “Everyone is welcome in my church……………but.” The translation for the people on the receiving end of that ‘but’ is that they are not welcome.

It really doesn’t matter how large we place the letters, how well we sing welcoming songs, and announce that people are welcome. If we use the word ‘but’ in the sentence, they are not welcome.

“We welcome the role of women in leadership……………………..but.” The translation is that women are not really in leadership positions. In churches this is especially maddening. On Easter we will all read from the Gospels telling us that the first real message of Christianity, “I have seen the Lord,” pronounced by women, doesn’t count as ‘preaching.’ Because St. Paul once referred to an obscure group of women in an obscure place who were creating problems and he wrote to the church’s leadership to silence these women in the church, people have proclaimed women cannot speak in church. They, of course, ignore the reality that the first people to proclaim the Christian Gospel, “I have seen the Lord,” were, in fact women. Women are welcome in leadership……but.

We welcome children in our church and what them to participate………but, not yet.

It goes further than church, however.

If someone says, “I love you……..but,” it’s pretty ominous. It either means they don’t really love you or they are going to place some major conditions on that love.

If someone says, “I’m sorry……but,” they are not really sorry. They are now rationalizing.

What makes the word ‘but’ so insidious is that it comes at the end of a wonderful statement. It’s the ultimate bait and switch. “You are wonderful………but.’ “You are my dearest friend……but.”

I was struck by this yesterday. In the middle of a heartfelt conversation one person decided to drop his bit ‘but’ in the middle of a caring discussion. He used a lot of good words of really respecting everyone…..but.

It’s a good reminder to me. When I say something, if I’m adding the word ‘but’ to my statement, I’m not really saying what I set out to say. For me, I’m going to watch my language and try and rid myself of using this marvelously insidious word in such a manner.