The Wisdom of Not Knowing

 

Today, on Facebook, author Rachel Held Evans observed that she often wrestles with a lingering sense that God punishes us if we are wrong about our theological beliefs. It is a fear and a reflection of what she learned at church growing up. Thankfully, her parents did not advocate this viewpoint at home. Her post was thoughtful and deliberative. As someone who has read a good bit of what she has written, this is not a surprise. Rachel Held Evans is one of the finest commentators on religious life we have and she is a treasure to modern day Christianity.

Years ago, when I was still Roman Catholic I began to contemplate ministry within the United Church of Christ. The idea was great and the pastor of the church we were attending, a really wonderful person, said that the first step was joining the church. In doing this I was going to be officially leaving being Roman Catholic and becoming Protestant. I was filled with dread and guilt. I remember joining the church on that one Sunday that I was going to go to hell. In fairness, by this point, the Roman Catholic Church was beyond teaching this, but still I was gripped with fear and guilt. Years later, a leader in the United Church of Christ expressed the exact same sensation I had so I knew I was not alone.

For a number of people there is the belief that our theological world view is going to determine if we are going to Heaven or to Hell. It may be what denomination or tradition we are in or boil down to our specific beliefs on specific topics. God not only judges us on whether we are sinful or not; whether we have faith or not; but salvation is based on a theological litmus test.

Years ago I had a colleague. He was a fellow United Church of Christ minister who disliked the United Church of Christ. I struggled with this person because he was pretty much anti-everything. He disliked our denomination and was very happy to share his dislike with other people. He retired from his church several years ago and encouraged them to leave the denomination-----they most recently did just that.

Over lunch one day, in a group, he talked openly about his belief that if we were wrong about things theologically we were going to Hell. Over the years I’ve come to realize this was a terrible burden for him to carry. He lived in fear that he was going to Hell unless he believed in a correct manner. Additionally, he had to face God for all the mistakes he made in his preaching and teaching. No wonder he was so anti-everything. Wow.

How cruel are we that we put this kind of pressure on people?

How arrogant are we that we think our viewpoint is so right that only the people who agree with us are going to Heaven?

How can be so certain that our God, a God who transcends all human understanding is so totally knowable that we can capture everything there is to know about God and that God is going to use this as a yardstick for our salvation or condemnation?

I like to think I have a reasonable understanding of Theology. I have advanced degrees in it and have read a good bit of Theology over the years. I can take part in a Theological conversation and can contribute to it and understand what is being talked about. I can discuss Theology with colleagues in ministry and they do not shake their heads in laughter as to how clueless I am. I can stand before people Sunday after Sunday and share my perspectives and they do not shake their heads in bewilderment at my total confusion.

In saying all of this, I cannot fathom to say that I have a clue. The mysteries of God still elude me on a regular basis.

I was often troubled with that and then I had an experience with an elderly Trappist monk several years ago. His name was Fr. Matthew Kelty and he had been at the Abbey of Gethsemani from 1960 until he died in 2011. I had a conversation with him about 2 years before he died. He was a very friendly and very humble man and had been the main preacher at the monastery for a long time. He had known Thomas Merton, who had been a monk at that monastery, quite well.

I asked Fr. Matthew after being a monk for so many years and praying in their Abbey Church close to 4 hours a day for 50 years, what he could say he knew about God. He looked at me, gently smiled and said, "After all these years I can only say that I don't know a damned thing."

One of the greatest piece of wisdom I have ever heard.

The greatest of all wisdom is knowing we do not know.

The greatest step of faith is recognizing we cannot ever fully understand God. In many ways the greatest spiritual gift is the gift of humility.

So I choose not to be cruel and tell others they are going to hell because they are wrong. To me, they are fellow sojourners and we are all on the journey together.